It Feels Like -- THIS

When I had small children all under foot, I used to look at moms whose children were teenagers or grown up and wonder how that feels. I used to long for the days when I could go to the store without first buckling three toddling babes into car seats and seat belts. I wondered what that kind of freedom felt like. And now I know.

It feels like:

Joy - I'm so proud of the adults my children are growing into. Sometimes when I see them my hearts sings. Its such a privilege to be their Mom.

Sorrow - I miss my babies. I miss having all control. I miss tucking them in at night and knowing there they'll stay til the morning. I miss their wonderment & their chubby toddler fingers trying to master a fine motor skill. I miss baby voices and laughter. I miss them being able to sit on my lap and hug my neck. I miss my babies.

Fear: Are they making wise choices when they're away from home? Are they safe? Do they miss me? Have they forgotten me? Are they so glad to be away from home?

Excitement - Where will they end up living? What job or careers will they land? Will they get married? Have children? Its so exciting to watch these things unfold before my very eyes.

Anticipation - I can't wait to help plan a wedding or help them find their first home. I can't wait to see who they will marry. I can't wait to have grandchildren and spoil them rotten. I can't wait to see each of them be an Aunt or Uncle ---

Rediscovery - I sit in my home with no particular place to go; no football games or band events, no picking up or dropping off, no slumber parties or movie nights or playing beauty shop. I sit in my home and look over and see a man who resembles a young soldier I used to know --a man that was dashing and handsome and one that drank in the very words I would speak. I look over at that man and wonder where he's been the last 20 years --lost in between birthdays and school events, growing pains and spankings, AWANA, lawn mowing and car fixing, football and basketball, band and high school, graduations and tuition . . . Somewhere in all of that, my young soldier got lost but I look at him now and think, "Wow, who are you? Would you like to go on a date with me?"

Wonder - I don't know where we go from here. Like every other parenting step, in these years I take one day at a time, one child at a time, one event at a time . . and I do the best I can. What it feels like to be the Mom of these grown up children is exactly the same as it feels to be the Mom of little tiny babies and yet, its completly different too.