Boys Are Pretty Too

Things always happen for my girls first because well, they are older. It's just a natural process. So by the time the 3rd one comes along, life's special moments are still as special but they don't catch you by surprise. Or do they?

Having 3 sisters and a host of girl cousins, boys just weren't familiar territory to me. In fact, when my son, Zachary, was born he was the first boy in my family since my Dad! But it wasn't long before I learned about balls and trucks and sports and mud and all those things boys hold near and dear to their hearts. And that's how I think of my boy -- he's a rough tumbler. He smells like sweat most of the time, he LOVES to be outside, he's so loud he even talks too loud, he's always busy and bossy and boyish. Could he ever be pretty too?

Being a Freshman, my dear boy decided to go to Homecoming this year. My heart only dropped slightly instead of plummeting since he's going with a group of boys and not a girl! Now the last time I saw my boy in a tie certainly was some Easter Sunday years ago when I donned him in some dorky dressy short outfit. I can't recall seeing him in a tie since he's been over 3 feet tall!

It's just a tie! It's not like it's some flowing beautiful gown that seems a prelude to a wedding dress. It's nothing that sparkles or shines. It doesn't have a fairytale flare nor a dazzling shimmer that brings out a bright smile. It's just a tie, a piece of fabric that hangs around your neck and it's boring and black and grey and white.

So on a Friday night my husband and I take our 15 year old son shopping for his Homecoming outfit. I wasn't even sure where to begin to find man-sized dress clothes. I wasn't even sure what his personal style would be. I mean, I could filter through piles of dresses and gowns and know what my daughters would like or deem hideous. What's in a tie? What's in some black boring dress pants? We ended up at a few different stores and put together an outfit fitting for a prince! I enjoyed the entire process and even learned a few things about men's sizing. There's so much to know; pants have two sizes, shirts have well -- like a thousand numbers, jackets have two sizes and a size 14 athletic shoe is not the same as a size 14 dress shoes. Yes, I was quite educated on the subject of men's clothing. Though I enjoyed having this experience with my son, it wasn't the same as the awes and ahs and gasps my girls would let out when something shiny caught their eye. It wasn't the same as seeing my girls twirl around in a three-way mirror with a sparkle in their eye that shined brighter than any sequins on the dress. No, this was bland and plain and there we no awes and ahs and gasps and giggles.

Since we pieced the outfit together from different stores, I couldn't wait to see the whole ensemble on my son so I told him as soon as we got home he was to try everything on. We got it all; pants, shirt, tie with matching hankie for his pocket, belt, shoes, socks. Everything was black, white and grey but it was crisp and sharp and nice.

Zachary didn't know how to tie a tie and I was all too willing to teach him. Yeah, being raised a good ole Catholic girl, I learned how to tie a tie by watching all those junior high boys frantically trying to get their uniform tie back on after recess. Being caught without your tie properly tied was a big offense. But my boy said a boy should learn to tie a tie from his Dad. And that he did. Then I said to the boy, "Stand back and let me see you." And it happened.

I cried.

Almost 18 years I have been a mother and here I am still learning the process. You see it's not the dress or the tie or the sequins and sparkle but it's all about the person inside the clothes. It's the little girl that is on the brink of womanhood that brings a mother to tears upon seeing her in her first formal gown. It's the grungy dirty stinky boy all cleaned up and grown up that brings a mother to tears. At that moment when your child is all spiffy and in "big boy" clothes, images of that chubby baby boy go flashing through your mind like a life video on fast forward.

I didn't let my husband nor my son see my tears. It's not just that these manly men don't understand the emotions of a mother but in that moment, my tears were private. They were the same tears I cried when the nurse exclaimed, "It's a boy!". They were the same tears I silently cried on my pillow when I had a sickly baby. They were the same tears I cried when I put that boy on a bus to Kindergarten and the same tears that stung my eyes the first time I heard an announcer calling out the starting line-up at a baseball game, ". . . . Zaaaachareeeeee Neewwwsoooooommmme. . . . ". Yes, those were private mom tears that I wanted to keep all to myself as I relished those passing moments of my boy stepping through life and now standing at the crossing into manhood.

And he was so pretty.

Daughters and Boys and Silver-Back Gorillas

Okay so it was bound to happen one day. Our daughters were going to want to start dating and worse yet, a boy was going to take a liking to our daughter.

And it did.

Having 17 and 16 year old daughters, the past few years have not been without crushes and infatuation but nothing along the lines of "dating seriously" or real boyfriends. There was this one young man, Ethan, that had a crush on Monica. He even showered her with her favorite sweets for Valentines Day one year but this young man was terrified of Jerry and so that relationship didn't last very long. The poor lad was even too afraid to say anything when he called the house and Jerry or I would answer the phone. He would just hang up and I'd think, "Okay Ethan, we have CALLER ID!"

But the girls never really made it any easier on themselves. They would tell would-be suitors, "My Dad will pretty much kill you if you ever come over." The girls themselves were not even certain if the "no dating until your 25" rule was real or a joke but they never questioned it for fear it might actually be true.

Tyler. Senior. Boy Scout. Drummer. Northmont Drumline. Star Wars Fanatic. Monica admirer. Poor unsuspecting soul.

Tyler wants to take Monica to Homecoming so we tell Monica he must come over and ask our permission to take her to the dance and we will lay down the rules. I couldn't help but think of a line in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" when Ian was converting to Greek Orthodox in order to marry Toula and during his baptism Toula thinks, "Any second now he's gonna look at me and say, "You're so not worth this."

Boy Scouts are brave souls. Tyler agrees to come over. At least Amanda helped put his mind at ease. Just before coming to our house Amanda and Tyler were IMing on the computer and Tyler asks Amanda for any advice and she says, "Well it really doesn't matter because my Dad pretty much doesn't like you so nothing is going to help."

Tyler has a style all his own. Sometimes his hair is spiked. Sometimes his clothes look raggy (okay, most times) and sometimes he sports a Star Wars lunch box but Tyler is who he is and most importantly, he's got the attention of our daughter.

Tyler comes over to talk to us and he pretty much comes under the pretense that Jerry and I think he's wretched soul. He comes in and sits down on the couch. Jerry is engaged in channel surfing and there's some small talk exchanged about sports, TV, etc.

I wish I had the entire visit on video because it's something I'd like to watch again and again. I rather enjoyed myself except for the times when I was feeling awful for Tyler. He sat in the corner of the couch pretty much being grilled by Jerry and I -- but mostly Jerry. I tried with all my might to be serious and strong but I couldn't help it, I mostly laughed because Jerry was trying to be so tough and mean. I will give you a few excerpts from our conversation.

In the middle of the conversation Jerry looks down and notices Tyler's worn out torn shoes (and mind you, he chooses to wear these) and abruptly says, "Son, do you get an allowance?" to which Tyler responds, "No Sir but I mow lawns." Pointing down to Tyler's shoes Jerry says, "Then you might want to see if you can pick up a few more lawns to mow and invest in a new pair of shoes."

But my favorite of the night was when Jerry asked Tyler if he knew anything about a Silver-back gorilla. Then he proceeds to tell him, "Well, a Silver-back is one of the strongest animals on the earth. He could snap you in half like a twig. So just think of me as a Silver-back Gorilla, you got me son?"

Alls well that ends well. Tyler left not only with his life but all his limbs in tact too. He got Jerry's permission to take Monica to Homecoming and he's even allowed to come over sometimes to visit with Monica as long as Jerry or I are there. And then Jerry added, "but the next time you come over you might want to check those shoes at the door."

Monica and Tyler moved over to the dining table to enjoy some chocolate cookies I made for them. I asked Tyler, "Have you ever had to go through anything like this before to take a girl to a dance or date her?" He told me no then I asked, "Well, is Monica worth it?" He looked over at her and smiled and said, "Yes, she is."

Right Answer.