Another Toy Story

When somebody loved me . . . . . . .

I always enjoyed each stage of development my children were in and with three kids so close in age, they were all practically right at the same stages at the same time. But quite often, I couldn't wait for the next stage, the next big thing! I couldn't wait for them to walk, talk, potty train, go to school -- Though enjoying my children right where they were at, I anticipated the next stage like a child on Christmas Eve night awaiting Santa's arrival.

No sooner than finding myself in a new stage with my children, I mourned for the child that was left behind. Oh how I loved my toddler walking around the house discovering himself and his world but how I missed that tiny little baby that used to be content to just let me hold him. I still do that sometimes. Now the mother of three teenagers, I still miss my babies and toddlers and small children. I mostly miss their wonderment and how they soaked up life like a sponge. Don't get me wrong, I love these teenagers and this stage in life too. I love how they are independent (sometimes). I love to see them makes choices for themselves. I even love how confused they can be at times because it's all part of this age. I can't help it though, there are times I wish I can step back 5 or 10 years if just for a day. Just a few nights ago, it happened. I got that chance.

It could not have been planned because chance was the only factor of success in this night. It evolved from boredom, mostly, and a sense of nostalgia that somehow swept us up. It was the night I got to play dolls with my 17 year old daughter and 15 year old son. It was a sweet mix of the past and present -- of all things I love about being a Mom.

I happened to stumble into Monica's room and we were talking and making plans for the new decor for her room. I looked under her bed, pulling out a box that contained doll clothes. She has an Addy doll and a modern doll from American Girl. With each article of clothing I pulled out of the box, a long forgotten memory was attached to it. Monica would recall a time or emotion when she played with her dolls; many of those memories involving Amanda too. I then asked Monica to get Addy out and I was very saddened to see this much neglected doll. Though she showed signs of being a once beloved toy, like her hair that Monica had braided, it was clear she was just a token of a life-stage long gone, sadly forgotten. Her hair had a white coating of dust and I know it sounds crazy and it's not really true but it was almost as if I could hear Addy saying to Monica, "Where have you been, Friend?"

Reminiscing with Addy made us think about Molly, Amanda's American Girl Doll, so we wandered into Amanda's room to find Molly. Oh poor Molly! Not only had she been sorely neglected, she was naked! A coldness ran down my spine realizing the cold lonely nights poor Molly had to endure over the past several years. Knowing Amanda likes comfort in her clothing, I gently cared for Molly and dressed her in pajamas, complete with robe and slippers. Zach, wondering what Monica and I were up to in Amanda's room, came into the room and strolled with Monica and I down a lane of memories of when the girls played with their dolls.

While still enjoying those pre-adult teenagers, I was able to step back into their childhood years when dolls were beloved, soldiers were green and plastic and Mom was the best playmate of all. Having 18 years of being a Mom, I've learned to live in each moment and taste each day because what's on tomorrow's platter will be ever changing, ever growing and yesterday will be ever gone. I still find moments when I try to wonder myself into the future of having married children and glorious grandchildren. But mostly, I try to keep my feet on the ground, focused on today -- in this very present stage of teenagers, high school and college.

. . . . and I knew that she loved me.

When She Loved Me (Jesse's Song)
when somebody loved me, everything was beautiful, every hour we spent together, lives within my heart. and when she was sad, I was there to dry her tears and when she was happy, so was I, when she loved me. through the summer and the fall, we had each other, that was all. just she and I together, like it was meant to be. and when she was lonely, I was there to comfort her. and I knew that she loved me. so the years went by, I stayed the same. and she began to drift away, I was left alone. still I waited for the day, when shed say I will always love you. lonely and forgotten, never thought shed look my way, she smiled at me and held me, just like she used to do, like she loved me, when she loved me. when somebody loved me, everything was beautiful, every hour we spent together, lives within my heart. when she loved me.