Leaving and Cleaving

Yesterday we took Zach on a campus visit and you know, I'm familiar because after all, I've done this before with our daughters. Even though visits to Miami University and Kent State brought me to tears, I was strong this time. Maybe I am growing up, learning to embrace a pre-empty nester stage. Maybe I finally get it.

Maybe.

Today our Pastor started a new sermon series on the family, Family Focus, you know --not to be confused with Focus on the Family because that's been done. And Pastor began at the --well, at the beginning. You know, like Julie Andrews did with the von Tapp children, he said, we'll, "start at the very beginning, a very good place to start."

I was ready to start --and possibly break into a musical stance because I know every word of every song from the Sound Of Music --oh but this isn't about that family so time to pay attention now.

And pay attention I did. I really did. Here we are in Genesis 1, the very beginning --God's design of the family unit; a husband, wife & children. So far so good because I understand God's design of the family. I get one husband, one wife. I get divorce was not God's plan . I understand blended families and single parenting homes were not God's design. I understand a MAN and a WOMAN --not two of one but one of each. So Now I can probably sit back and coast through the sermon. Having once myself been on the brink of divorce, I understand the trials of marriage but I also understand even when you can't commit your heart and self to a person that has broken your heart time and time again, you CAN commit your heart and self to a GOD that has healed every crack, a GOD that walked me through the fire. A God that brought restoration to my marriage, to my heart.

So I was all set to sit back and only half listen, perhaps make a mental grocery list for this afternoon's commissary trip and then, and then, AND THEN --Pastor said something that put on the breaks.

Leave and Cleave.

Hold on Pastor, now you've gone too far! I was 'bout to get up and call a Time Out. This ain't no do re mi and I ain't fa la la la la-ing along!

These aren't words I want to hear. My heart has spent the last 4 years wresting with this leaving stuff. Leave? Visions of Zach on campus yesterday --far far away from me ran through my mind. I wanted to shut down but as the Holy Spirit has this tendency to do, I heard a new message in this Genesis 1. It wasn't about my leaving but their leaving. The message for me today was not about my marriage but my family and now I was listening with more intent and I was listening as a mother, not just as a woman.

And I was learning. learning more, growing into a deeper understanding.

Speaking of her future, Amanda once said something about moving out of state and I asked her if she'd really leave me and she said, "Mom, its what children do --they grow up and they leave." I seriously wanted to slap her, that cuts deep. I mean I didn't really want to slap her and I know what she said was true but you know, I'm still learning about letting go.

Left up to my own design, it would be more like --I'll let you know when I'm ready for you to leave and there will be no cleaving. But you know what? Its not my design.

Ready or not, here I come!

Ready or not, Melissa, its time for them to leave. Ready or not Melissa, they're gonna have to cleave too. Its not about them wanting to leave. Its not about me wanting them to stay. Its just not about our own choices. It's about God's design for the family. He reminded me that they will leave me, he will not. And God hasn't forgotten every aspect of his plan, his design. He knows my heart. He knows my struggles. He knows how hard it is for me to let go. He knows my pain because he's God.

A perfect God.

That knows far more than me.

What's best for my family.

And my children.

A perfect God and His design of the family.

Leave and Cleave.

Who am I to mess with that?