Things and Stuff

Things. I like things. I like nice things. I like new things. I even like expensive things. I like having things. I want more things. It's the American way and I am an American. When I get things, then I want other things to go with my things. I need to accessorize my things.

Stuff. Just gotta have it. I gotta have more stuff and then when new stuff comes out, I want to upgrade my old stuff. My basement is filled with stuff I used to love but now has been replaced by nicer and newer stuff. My closets are full of stuff that I use on occasion but mostly, it's just stuff to stuff the closets with.

Things and stuff.

All of the above is true of me. I'm no martyr or saint that has taken a vow of poverty. I own more than a few pairs of shoes, a few coats and though my wardrobe pales in comparrison to most others, I still have more clothes than I need. Though my home is sparsley decorated, I still have many things on the walls and sitting around -- things that have sentiment or things that just add interest or color to a room. Though I don't have everything I want, I have so much more than I need. So why do we continue to want more things and more stuff? I don't get it.

For the past 5 years or so I've been bothered by Christmas. Nowhere does the bible tell us or even give us an example of celebrating Christ's birth. I'm not saying that we shouldn't but I am bothered on how much time, engergy and money is spent on Christmas --but how much of that time, engergy and money is just wasted? I don't have any answers but often times, as I'm stuffing myself full of Christmas ham or opening yet another present, I think about all the people that are hungry and have no clothing or home. I think about the reason Christ was born and I wonder if all we spend on the celebration is counter to the reason why he came.

Tis the season for giving - -Tis the season for joy. As Christians, do we need a season to be charitable? Love, JOY, peace . . . . . does it come just once a year?

'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.' Matthew 25:45

My Blessings Keep Flowing

One Sunday when I was too sick to go to church -- and by "sick" I mean so completely overcome with depression that I could not even find strength to remove my body from bed. That Sunday, Jerry asked our Sunday School class to pray for me. Later that week, I received a note from a lady, whom I did not know by name, and she was trying to encourage me.

I wasn't encouraged. I did not want to hear her words. I didn't care what SHE might have experienced in HER life because this was MY life and NO ONE could possibly understand what I was going through.

That was my attitude. So I ignored the card.

The first few days after Amanda and Monica went to school I was a mess. I could barely function and what little I forced myself to do was not only a huge effort, I was annoyed that it had to be done - -like --showering! My husband and son tried to encourage me. Zachary tried to be funny and kind and caring. Jerry kept telling me he understood my heart but how does a man understand the heart of a mother? He kept telling me he was sad too but did his life come to a halt? Did he want to live out the rest of his life underneath the covers on our bed? DID HE EVER CARRY A CHILD IN HIS WOMB FOR NINE MONTHS? Yeah see, us Mom's always try to trump a father's heart with that one.

I tried to tell myself I was carrying on much too much and much too far and yet; it's all my heart would feel. I couldn't stop the pain. I couldn't stop the depression. I couldn't stop the uselessness my heart felt.

And then each day got a little better. I never stopped missing the girls and I never stopped hurting, but I at least got back to functioning and taking ever so slight steps towards letting go. When the dark cloud of depression finally lifted, I was seeing more clearly and then I remembered the card.

I went back to the card I had received in the mail and read it again and this time, it was such a blessing. I read it as if for the first time and my heart was instantly comforted knowing another mother's heart felt the same thing. As hard as my guys tried to console me and as much as I did appreciate it, it wasn't the same as another mother that had lived through the same thing.

So I set out to find this angel that God sent me -- a woman who was living out Titus 2 when Paul instructs Titus, "Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children . . . "

This was a lesson I was learning in loving my children. I had to learn to love them at a whole different level - -to mix my love with respect of their adult status, to love them enough to let them go, to love them enough to trust them to live their own lives. This was a new love, a different love and by example and compassion, this woman came into my life and helped me see my way through it.

I took my card to bible study one Saturday and asked the other ladies if they could please point this woman out to me. The next day at church, I finally found out who my angel was. That evening, I went up to her and thanked her for her card and her encouragement.

The week after Thanksgiving, she came up to me and said how happy she was to see my girls were home for the holiday. I was so touched she remembered and rejoiced with and for me. I felt a moment of being kindred with her and it felt like it was my final lesson in my learning to let go.

Tonight after choir practice, I got to talk to her again. When I explained to her all the blessings I'm now finding in this new freedom with the girls gone; more time with my son, rediscovering my husband, a quiet peaceful home, time to do things I enjoy - she instantly understood me and in fact, on several occasions, we were able to finish each others' sentence. I stood amazed as if in a peculiar way, I was talking to myself. That’s just how completely she understood me.

And so in my quest to open my heart and my eyes for all those blessings the Lord sends my way, I am ever so thankful for my angel, Sonda.

More Blessings

Every week I'm more in love with our church and more excited to be there. Saturday we had a Christmas dinner and ornament exchange, though there were very few ornaments and seemingly more stuffed snowmen than stuffed turkeys on Thanksgiving!

So my blessings this week were:

Everyone at my table for the Christmas dinner but especially Bruce and Kay and Alycia. These three people have gone out of their way to make us feel welcome and a part of Vandalia Baptist Temple. I'm so thankful for them.

All of the sweet children that lent their voices to our children's Christmas program - --out of the mouths of babes!

Twilla, who captured my heart weeks ago in ladies Bible study but also on Sunday when she was such an encourager to me.

My sister Sam continues to be my rainbow - -and kitchen supplier! :)

Blessings

I think if we open our hearts, we'll find blessings in the most unusual places. That has been my quest and though I don't know the names of each of these people and the situations might be "you had to be there" type things, I want to list the things that bless my heart. I hope to never be so busy with "things" that I miss these precious moments:


Gina singing with her parents. I hope she cherishes those moments in her life.

Gilah agreeing to come to my church's Christmas Cantata (she's Jewish).

Dave playing with his cars and "going to pick up Miss Lissa".

My new/used refrigerator.

My sister Sam being my rainbow.

The Sopranos in my church choir.

Every day I find new blessings and people that unknowingly touch my heart in the simplest of ways. I don't ever want to miss them.