Unhappy Endings

I hate the end to most things. I mean you don't understand --- I haaaaate endings!!! How much to I hate them?

Books are the worst. I love to read but no matter how happy the ending of a story may be, I'm very sad when it’s over. In fact, I might even mourn the "loss of the characters" for a few days. I just can't get them out of my mind -and I wonder what happened next. While I'm deeply engrossed in a book, the characters become my friends and I live and travel in all the settings in the book. When its time for me to go back home permanently, I get sad.

I don't mind when a TV show ends but I hate when a TV series ends. Despite the fact I had never ever seen one episode of it, I was sad for days and days when Friends ended. I didn't even watch the show, how stupid is that? I feel that way when most series end. Having grown up with a Dad that was a huge M*A*S*H fan, I became a fan myself but when the series ended, I refused to watch the very last episode and in fact to this day, I've never seen it. I would just be too sad. I like to pretend the series is still going on, the war in Korea is still being fought and Hawkeye, Radar, Major Burns and all the rest are still there. I'm still in denial that Johnny Carson isn't the host of the Tonight Show, I believe Bewitch is still twinkling her nose and making magic, I know somewhere out there Al's Diner still exists and the Happy Days characters are hanging out there, the Huxtables still live in Brooklyn, Doug and Carrie are still screaming at each other in Queens & Deborah and Ray are still being terrorized by Marie & Frank.

Movies are much the same for me. I want to know more of the story. More! Tell me more!!! Did Scarlet and Rhett every get back together? I NEED TO KNOW!!!!!

Its not just stories; I hate the end to everything -- when my Starbucks latte is down to a sip or two, I get a little sad and upset with myself I didn't make it last longer. When I'm taking my last bite of a meal, I might even tear up a tiny bit, "You mean -- that's it until the next meal?" How sad is that? Vacations are almost not even enjoyable to me because when it gets down to the last day, I almost don myself in complete black and mourn the rest of the day. When I scrapbook with my best scrapbooking buddies, around 11pm I could cry because it’s almost time to pack up. I want to stay longer and chat and scrapbook and sniff my papers!

I even hate the end to a day, especially a good day. As soon as it starts getting dark I start to say good-bye to the day --and parting always makes me so sorrowful. There's nothing sweet about it.

When Jerry retired from the military I was sad for months, if not years. I miss the Army like I'd miss an old friend. When Jerry and I were in DC recently and visited a few Army posts, I was at home again! It felt like, "Hello, Army! Where have you been? I missed you so much. Let's get all caught up now."

You know what else I hate? Empty towns, buildings and houses; I hate when a town dries up because an industry leaves. I hate when old glorious homes are abandoned. Recently I read a devotional that mentioned an old Silver mining town in Colorado once booming with people and profitable businesses, its now abandoned and long forgotten --and I couldn't even concentrate on the rest of the devotion as I sat picturing that old western town --wondering where all the people had gone. I hate old rail road tracks where trains never come to anymore, too.

Graduations make me sad. I realize its a celebration and new things are opening up for the grad, but its still closing a door, a chapter and that means one thing had ended and for that, I am terribly sad. This spring I'll be sad to say our final good-bye to Northmont High School as our youngest walks across the stage to accept his diploma. We'll bid farewell to Miami University too, and I'm sure there will be tears. *sigh*

You must think I'm a terribly sad person and in a way, that is very true. I mean, I'm not Eeyore walking around with my head down and droopy ears but most times even though I can laugh and have fun, there will be a corner of sadness in my heart. I can't help it. I HATE endings and yet, I live with them. I mean, I can step into a fantasy world and imagine all my favorite TV characters still on set but I know reality too. And I eventually forget about all those characters in a book and it’s not long before I'm over that too.

I can move on -- mostly but you see -- there's one ending I just can't grapple. There's one ending that torments my soul --forever. There's one ending that makes me the most sad and even now, over 35 years later in some cases, my still heart aches because

I just can't bear the ending of a marriage. I mourn it every time, like a death in the family. I never get over it. I can never stop being sad about it. Though I know there are cases in which divorce is warranted, I think those are so few and far in between.

I know, how dare I say such a thing, right? What do I know?

I just know.

And I'm sad.