Mom's Letter

This letter was written by my Mother to my grandparents (Dad's side). She was just 2 months post surgery for a brain tumor, which they were not able to fully remove and unknowingly, just 7 months from her earthly death. The tumor was located in the portion of the brain which controls speech so her words were not always exactly right and often sounded juvenile but her messages ever clear. Her faith ever strong.

I am writing it exactly how she wrote. I realize its meaningless to anyone that did not know her but faith and eternal hope in God's Word, truth and promises shines through. I hope you find that message here and in your own life.

(Bob was her husband)

9/27/88

Dear Meme & Grandpa:

Bob and I arrived Monday 9/12/88 at Arlington Hts Ill, Bob's daughters Liz house. I was feeling fine Till Friday. 9/16 I got sick. Bob called the hospital and they sent an ambulance, I got to the hosp. right away. I felted so bad, hosp. kept me Till Mon. 9/149. Val, took me to her place in Michigan. I feel O.K. the doctor in Ill. told Val how many medicine I have to take, and I might get sick again. So far I have bee feeling good.

Melissa is coming this weekend, 9/30 after I see her I pray to see her baby but I keep praying to wait. I don't mind to go to heaven, I know I will go there.

Bob, is stating at his daughter's house in Ill. He is helping her because she got her baby the same day I got sick 9/16. I don't Mind him stating there . Val & Sam is taking GOOD care of me. And for Bob to see me its only 5 hours drive to Val's house.

Val's house is so beautiful and BIG. I hope some day you will see her house.

Thank you for the food you gave us, its so good to open the jars.

I'm so busy every day trying to write to everyone. When I die I told Val I don't want flowers on my funeral, I will be in heaven and can't see them. I rather she GET money from people and send to my church. They need a need church so bad. The money give to my church is better than flowers. Sorry I can't write right my Brain is lower.

I was so happy to see you people.

LORD JESUS BLESS YOU.

LOVE
Ramona

Unhappy Endings

I hate the end to most things. I mean you don't understand --- I haaaaate endings!!! How much to I hate them?

Books are the worst. I love to read but no matter how happy the ending of a story may be, I'm very sad when it’s over. In fact, I might even mourn the "loss of the characters" for a few days. I just can't get them out of my mind -and I wonder what happened next. While I'm deeply engrossed in a book, the characters become my friends and I live and travel in all the settings in the book. When its time for me to go back home permanently, I get sad.

I don't mind when a TV show ends but I hate when a TV series ends. Despite the fact I had never ever seen one episode of it, I was sad for days and days when Friends ended. I didn't even watch the show, how stupid is that? I feel that way when most series end. Having grown up with a Dad that was a huge M*A*S*H fan, I became a fan myself but when the series ended, I refused to watch the very last episode and in fact to this day, I've never seen it. I would just be too sad. I like to pretend the series is still going on, the war in Korea is still being fought and Hawkeye, Radar, Major Burns and all the rest are still there. I'm still in denial that Johnny Carson isn't the host of the Tonight Show, I believe Bewitch is still twinkling her nose and making magic, I know somewhere out there Al's Diner still exists and the Happy Days characters are hanging out there, the Huxtables still live in Brooklyn, Doug and Carrie are still screaming at each other in Queens & Deborah and Ray are still being terrorized by Marie & Frank.

Movies are much the same for me. I want to know more of the story. More! Tell me more!!! Did Scarlet and Rhett every get back together? I NEED TO KNOW!!!!!

Its not just stories; I hate the end to everything -- when my Starbucks latte is down to a sip or two, I get a little sad and upset with myself I didn't make it last longer. When I'm taking my last bite of a meal, I might even tear up a tiny bit, "You mean -- that's it until the next meal?" How sad is that? Vacations are almost not even enjoyable to me because when it gets down to the last day, I almost don myself in complete black and mourn the rest of the day. When I scrapbook with my best scrapbooking buddies, around 11pm I could cry because it’s almost time to pack up. I want to stay longer and chat and scrapbook and sniff my papers!

I even hate the end to a day, especially a good day. As soon as it starts getting dark I start to say good-bye to the day --and parting always makes me so sorrowful. There's nothing sweet about it.

When Jerry retired from the military I was sad for months, if not years. I miss the Army like I'd miss an old friend. When Jerry and I were in DC recently and visited a few Army posts, I was at home again! It felt like, "Hello, Army! Where have you been? I missed you so much. Let's get all caught up now."

You know what else I hate? Empty towns, buildings and houses; I hate when a town dries up because an industry leaves. I hate when old glorious homes are abandoned. Recently I read a devotional that mentioned an old Silver mining town in Colorado once booming with people and profitable businesses, its now abandoned and long forgotten --and I couldn't even concentrate on the rest of the devotion as I sat picturing that old western town --wondering where all the people had gone. I hate old rail road tracks where trains never come to anymore, too.

Graduations make me sad. I realize its a celebration and new things are opening up for the grad, but its still closing a door, a chapter and that means one thing had ended and for that, I am terribly sad. This spring I'll be sad to say our final good-bye to Northmont High School as our youngest walks across the stage to accept his diploma. We'll bid farewell to Miami University too, and I'm sure there will be tears. *sigh*

You must think I'm a terribly sad person and in a way, that is very true. I mean, I'm not Eeyore walking around with my head down and droopy ears but most times even though I can laugh and have fun, there will be a corner of sadness in my heart. I can't help it. I HATE endings and yet, I live with them. I mean, I can step into a fantasy world and imagine all my favorite TV characters still on set but I know reality too. And I eventually forget about all those characters in a book and it’s not long before I'm over that too.

I can move on -- mostly but you see -- there's one ending I just can't grapple. There's one ending that torments my soul --forever. There's one ending that makes me the most sad and even now, over 35 years later in some cases, my still heart aches because

I just can't bear the ending of a marriage. I mourn it every time, like a death in the family. I never get over it. I can never stop being sad about it. Though I know there are cases in which divorce is warranted, I think those are so few and far in between.

I know, how dare I say such a thing, right? What do I know?

I just know.

And I'm sad.

Where Did She Go

Where did she go, the baby I once had
I went to her crib and walked away sad

For the tiny baby that had my heart in a furl
Has now been replaced by a little girl

And I loved that girl and watched her play
Hoping a little girl she always would stay

But I soon discovered her dolls were no more
For now she has stepped through yet another door

And before me I saw a young woman at heart
Hoping with this one, I never would part

Then one day I discovered she needed no longer
My hand to hold her--and I had to get stronger

To let her walk away into a life of her own
For my baby girl is ever so grown

I see in her eyes such spirit for living
Her heart ever open, her soul ever giving

To the future before her, unknowing and new
So I step to the side, as us mothers must do

Before me a I see a woman I adore
My pride ever swelling more and more

Though my arms ever empty and my hands ever still
My baby ever growing, my heart gets its fill

Of the love of a baby, my girl and my daughter
Watching her learn lessons life has now taught her

And the journey of this mother's heart
That sometimes can get stuck back at the start

Because I sit and I wonder, where did she go
The baby I held, that needed me so

The crib so long gone and the dolls packed away
A baby and girl she could not stay

And it all went before me ever so fast
Dashing through the present, making a past

Where did she go, the baby I once had
I went to her crib and walked away sad