Tales From a Terrific Terrier

From Franklin --

If you read below, Tales of a Terrible Terrier I think you'll be mislead. I feel like I'm getting a bad rap and I have some splain' to do.

The other day Mommy gets me all hyped up and tells me we were going on an adventure to some--some pet place like -Pet Start or Pets are Smart or whatever, I wasn't really paying that much attention because as soon as I heard the word adventure I was up for anything. I'm still a little unsure of the whole car ride thing but like I said, I'm usually always up for an adventure.

As soon as we got to the doors I just knew I was in for one of the biggest adventures of my life! The doors were HUGE. There were new scents everywhere I couldn't decide which one to land my nose on --this one, no this one, how bout this one, no this . . . ah! It was so hard to make up my mind so I just flittered from one to another. And then people were walking around and let's face it --I'm cursed with cuteness and that is totally not my fault. I'm totally minding my own business --sniffing here, sniffing there when people start screeching, "Oh a puppy! He's so cute!" Now see, Mommy is misleading everyone to believe I have bad manners but that is not the case at all. When someone is talking to me it would be rude to ignore them --so I happily greet them. It's a Yorkie trait. I'm friendly. What can I say, its all part of my Yorkie charm. And while we're on that subject, I DO NOT bite people. Oh sure, a little harmless nip here, a little gnawing there I mean, its what we puppies do. Perhaps Mommy skipped that chapter in one of her books.

*rolls eyes* Yeah --let's just touch on those books too. Maybe if Mommy put one of them down every now and then and actually played with me well then hey, I wouldn't have to chew on the corners to get her attention, now would I?

The little girl incident --I was so excited to meet a little person like me. I mean, imagine what its like for me to live with giants all of the time, which actually explains the leaping and jumping --I'm just trying to see eye-to-eye. You would think my short Mommy could relate. Anyways, I totally was not going to nip her nose off. Mommy exaggerates.

I'm confused. See, the whole car ride Mommy kept telling me we were going on an adventure and I was going to get a new toy. I was only trying to be helpful when we were at the store trying to pick out my new toy. I needed to sniff them and pull them off the shelf to you know --give 'em a spin around the block. Had Mommy not pulled me away from every single toy so quickly, perhaps we could have actually gotten one I wanted and liked. Instead Mommy picked one out for me and I didn't really care for it much. It smells funny.

Train me as she may, Mommy just isn't going to get me to be like one of those old stuffy dogs. *snorts* I was just trying to play and liven things up a bit. Maybe they should let their perfectly pointy ears down every now and then and have some fun. And those other dogs --I can explain that too. I wasn't at all trying to nip or bite them. You see their Mommy saw me and said to them, "Oh look! That's what you looked like when you were a puppy." I thought it was a joke. Those dogs were so fat you could barely see their faces, hence why I missed their kindred Yorkiness. And those bellies --just dragging along the ground. They were so plump I thought maybe someone pumped them up with air. I wasn't going to bite them --I just wanted to nip 'em a bit to see if they'd explode or perhaps just deflate into a shell of a dog --like the skins at Build A Bear.

I'm just a pup. I haven't been to school or had any formal training --besides Mommy chasing me around with Resolve Pet Odor remover every time I do my business . . . the point is, I'm not an educated pup so how was I to know I had some big shoes to fill with a presidential name like Franklin? I think that's unfair. Talk about setting me up for failure! I can't even register to vote! How can I possibly have aspirations to be presidential? If Mommy wanted me to live up to my name maybe I should have been named Magellan or Marco Polo --Christopher --I'm an explorer, an adventurer. Now those are some hearty names a curious pup like me could live up to! I'm only 3 months old --I'm not even sure what I want to be when I grow up yet. *snickers* Well I certainly don't want to be one of those old stuffy dogs that sit on command like I saw at that pet start place. I'm not exactly sure what a president is but I imagine one of those dogs would be perfectly suited to be president. I don't know, I could totally see myself as a forest ranger or maybe even a coal miner. I could totally be a hunter, ranch handler or lion tamer --OMG! Roy would TOTALLY be a name I could live up to. Well --you know, except perhaps for the part about well --I like girl puppies.

Lindsay Lohan? Really Mommy! That's just a low blow! Listen, rambunctious as I may be, I've never induced any drugs or chemicals into my system --I mean --except for that one Dish Washer tab I ate that one time but you know, wasn't my fault it smelled citrus and sweet --anyway ---

I believe this should clear matters up.

Signed,

A Terrific Terrier

Franklin Graham Newsome