Puppy Training

I'm trying to be a good puppy Mommy but perhaps I'm not cut out for the job. I'm not a patient person and it takes patience to train a pup to use the bathroom outside --and not in the kitchen or living room...

I'm trying to keep the house puppy proof and not leave books on the lower shelf for him to gnaw at, shoes by the door for him to chew, electric cords hanging down, pantry door left open, ANY door left open . . . but I forget what its like to puppy proof a house. Heck, I forget what its like to child proof a house.

Like a good new Mommy should do, I'm reading all of the puppy books, training books, Yorkie books. I watch the Animal Planet channel for inspiration and episodes of The Puppy Whispered on YouTube --I'm educating myself in this puppy realm unknown.

The books say not to get frustrated because your pup can sense your frustration . . .so I guess when I say between gritted teeth at 5:15am, "Franklin! Time to go potty now! It's cold outside! Franklin! Please go potty now! Stop playing wiht the leash! No, I'm not going to chase you!" Franklin senses my frustration --my very tired frustration! But how do you not get frustrated, huh? I KNOW puppy has to use the bathroom and yet, he's so easily distracted.

How easily distracted? Well, a potty session goes something like this in Franklin's mind. . . .

Oh Mommy is taking me outside! I'm so excited. I love Mommy, I'm gonna lick her hand while she puts my leash on --or maybe just bite it. Mommy LOVES when we play this game ---try and get the leash on me! Oh there we go, she got it on --hurry and open the door, Mommy! Hurry! I can't wait to ---here we go. I have to be careful going down those big stairs, I fall sometimes so s-l-o-w-l-y I go down the . . LET'S GO MOMMY! LET'S RUN! Oh, so I guess we're not running. Okay--I have to pee really really bad. Now let me just sniff around . WHAT'S THAT? I leaf? I LOVE TO CHASE LEAVES! Oh I hope its a crunchy one - -did I just hear something? A CAR! A CAR! Oh Mommy, let's go chase the car --oh okay, well Mommy must not like to chase . . what's that? A BUTTERFLY? HELLO BUTTERFLY, would you like to be my friend? Oh surely . . .oh my goodness, what is this scent right here in the grass? *sniff sniff* I've never smelled that before . . maybe if I just dig right here . .CHILDREN? DO I HEAR CHILDREN WALKING BY? Hello children! Thanks for coming to visit me! I love visitors and I think I'll go say hi to them . . .and wait a second! A BRANCH! How fun is a branch? I'll just pick this up right here and chew on it and ---OH MOMMY! You want to play fetch with the branch? Mommy took the branch and thew it . .why won't she let me go get it? Well, look at that, a flower! *sniff sniff* Mommy, I LOVE flowers! I wonder if it tastes as good as . . .I heard a dog bark. Did you hear that? Is he calling me? I think I'll run over to see --oh another good scent right here *sniff sniff* I think I'll pee here . .no wait maybe over here *sniff sniff* nah, I think over here is better --ANOTHER CAR? Let's go chase that one, Mommy! Oh my leash! I'm gonna chew my leash and . . . hold on! I hate this collar --lemme just try-and-get-to- did you see that? I saw something fly by. What was that? A BIRD? *jump jump* I wish I could fly like that *leap leap* I think I was suppose to go potty so let me sniff --hold the phone! I saw something in the sky. What was tha . . . children? More kids? Are they here to play with me--*sniff sniff* I love scents. Now if I --why does Mommy's voice sound so angry? Mommy? Oh Momm ---this right here smells delicious *lick lick* it is the most wonderful . . .BIRDS! Mommy! LET'S GO!

And that is the first 39 seconds.

I exaggerate - none.