Driving Lessons

I think one of the important elements of parenting is to know your strengths and weaknesses. For instance, when it came time to teach the children to ride their bike without training wheels, I definitively knew this was Jerry's thing. A considerable intolerance for being outside and a lack of patience made me the most unlikely candidate for such a task. Besides, I always made the kids wear a helmet, knee and elbow pads. They would complain they couldn't peddle with the knee pads on to which I would reply, "Be quiet before I mummy wrap you in bubble wrap too." Jerry could handle seeing the kids spilled and splattered onto the pavement -- I preferred not seeing them until they could stay on the bike, break and dismount without shedding one drop of blood. Fast-forward now to the teenage years and it being time to teach your oldest to drive. I guess technically it's an outdoor activity but since I can still sit in the comfort of air conditioning or heat, I didn't mind taking on the challenge. I very vividly remember sitting in that blue Impala driving around the Randhurst parking lot with my Mom -- good times -- those were the days! I can make the same lasting memories with my kids --.

For the past year I've been Amanda's primary driving instructor. If I've learned anything from this experience it has been -- Jerry will have to be Monica and Zach's primary driving instructor. I will develop a serious heart condition if I have to go through this experience again. Amanda gets all flustered with me and she often whines, "Don't yell at me while I'm driving." It's not that I yell as a disciplinary action and I think my yelling is warranted. You know, when you see an ambulance coming head on and your driving daughter oblivious to its existence, I don't think yelling, "STOP! GET OVER! AMBULUANCE HEAD ON!" is unreasonable. I also don't think it unreasonable to yell after that same driving daughter nonchalantly tells you, "What? I didn't see it." So yelling, "HOW COULD YOU NOT SEE OR HEAR AN AMBULUANCE FLASHING IT’S LIGHTS, COMING HEAD ON AND EVERY OTHER CAR ON THE ROAD PULLED OVER?" Hey, who says Lamaze is just for childbirth? Those breathing exercises come in handy when you feel like shaking sense into your child. Like I said earlier, patience is not my virtue.

Wanting to finish the job I started, I realized the only thing we've not yet done in Amanda's driving lessons was highway driving. To give Amanda credit, she really is a good driver. The mistakes she makes are just part of the learning process. The problem is me, mostly.

Sunday afternoon we were just all kind of hanging out so I decided to take Amanda out for a drive. Monica came with us as my intent was just to drive around town and perhaps stop for ice cream along the way. OK, I confess -- my intent was to get ice cream under the premise of taking Amanda out to drive. There, I said it! I'm so ashamed. We were driving around town only to find our little Ice Cream spot was closed. I decided we'd just drive around some more. When I saw we were approaching the on ramp to I-70, I decided it was time for some interstate experience. After all, Amanda has been driving for over a year now. It can't be avoided forever! In retrospect, I guess it would have been better for Amanda had we planned this and not just spring it on her. She didn't have time to emotionally prepare but that's what I thought was good! She didn't have time to worry about it -- and we all know what a worry wart she can be!

I instruct Amanda to get into the turning lane and she says, "There? Turn left? Going on the highway? There? Mom?" I sensed she was nervous so I acted like it was no big deal, "Sure. You're ready. Let's try it." We circled around the on ramp and as we approach the highway I'm now more nervous than she. What was I thinking? Is she really ready for this? I have Monica in the back seat for goodness sakes! Where is my clarity of mind? Amanda was very hesitant to merge into traffic so she was going quite slowly. I was in the passenger seat looking over my shoulder at this truck coming our way and the left lane blocked so he couldn't get over and I repeated, "Speed up, speed up, Amanda -- speed up.....! In the outside mirror I can see another van on our tail anxious to speed up for his own merge into traffic but not able to do so with Amanda in the way. My eyes are darting between the truck, road ahead, the van behind us and Amanda. In those split seconds I realize if I instruct her to break, we’re getting rear-ended by the van. If she doesn’t speed up, we’re getting run over by the truck. If we hit the guard rail, we’re getting smashed in by both. There is no shoulder to escape to. We are now sandwiched between a speeding truck, van and the guard rail. "Amanda, speed up. Don't be afraid. Speed up! SPEED UP! AMANDA!" She kept creeping along and finally I yelled, "FLOOR IT!" The next thing I knew my head was pinned against the head rest and out of the corner of my eye I could see Amanda's hands tightly gripping the wheel at the perfect 3 o'clock and 9 o'clock positions to the point her knuckles were bright white. We merged just ahead of the truck when, finding an opening in the left lane, the truck gets over and passes us. As my heart begins to slow down to a normal pace, I realize my right foot is pinned to the floor of the van in my attempt to make the ghost accelerator peddle on my side speed up the van. I relax my tightened muscles, take a deep breath and look over at Amanda. Her eyes were wide and intent on the road and her body was so stiff she looked like a statue. I don't think she was breathing so I said, "Relax Amanda. Take a deep breath. You did fine." I see her chest rise and fall as she takes in some air for the first time in several minutes (which is what it seemed like) and the color returns to her face. I look back at Monica who seemed to have taken the whole thing in stride -- her feathers never seem to get ruffled, so I thought.

Silence the rest of the way home.

Pulling into the driveway of 1019 Lofton Drive was never so comforting. As I get out of the van Monica approaches me from behind and in a very soft whisper she says to me, "Sissy almost killed us!"

Sissy did no such thing. Her mother, however, put two children and herself into a path of danger. Amanda didn’t speak a word about it.

Later that night while relaxing and playing cards, Amanda blurts out of no where, “Man, you just don’t realize how fast those cars are coming on the highway until you get behind the wheel.” We all broke into some nervous laughter and I felt a surge of relief, regret and pride.

It’s confirmed.

Jerry takes the helm with Monica and Zach’s driving lessons.